you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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