so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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