just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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