she woke up with a sticky ear
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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