**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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