i don't like sucking hair
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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