her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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