is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
