so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
