toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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