So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
