can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
