All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
