Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
