New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
