woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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