Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
