i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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