I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
