I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
