nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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