You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
