I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
