i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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