did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
