i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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