dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize