Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
