All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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