Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
