she woke up with a sticky ear
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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