just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
