the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
