arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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