You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im holly from the hills drunk
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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