So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
