The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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