i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
