I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
