i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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