nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love you. Go after that dick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
