I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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