Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
