maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize