I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
