Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
