If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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