you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
