they need to just BURY HIM!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
