Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
