his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
