I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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