Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
