Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Randomize