Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
