He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
