My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
