A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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