My Higher Power is John Stamos
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
