i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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