So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
