ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize