The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
