Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
