I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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