she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
