He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
