Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
